NO COWARDS BEYOND THIS POINT
You there. In front of the screen. Yeah, YOU. What, you think I'm referring to MISS HIPPIE ROSES over there? No, ya dumb mule, I'm talking to YOU. I can see you, right there. You're staring. MANNERS, SON.
Yeah, I hear your teeny weeny pansy voice saying, "But, sir, how can you even see me through a screen such as the one I have in front of me--" SHUT YOUR MOUTH. You wanna know how I can see your wimpy potato skin of a face? I'll tell you:
What's this? puny wuny little girl has a complaint? Hah! What a JOKE! Mr. PEES HIS PANTS IN BED here thinks he's got SHEER BADASSERY too! Well, let me tell you something, little brother, IT DON'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK, 'cause you just AIN'T worth a CENT!
I DON'T GIVE TWO GUNSHOTS for your résumé, son. Twelve gold medals, Roll to Dodge? MORE LIKE TWELVE PIECES OF SHINY DUNG! Sixteen straight wins at Mafia? OF COURSE YOU PROVE YOURSELF BY HANGING OLD PANSIES! Defended Castle Lololo for twenty years? SON, I EAT CASTLES FOR BREAKFAST!
So because I'm SICK AND TIRED of watching LIMP NOODLES walk around the place, I'm gonna be a real nice dude here. Which already strains my SHEER BADASSERY enough, so YOU BETTER BE THANKFUL, SON. It's special something I like to call:
NO COWARDS BEYOND THIS POINT
That's right, all you FRENCH DRAFTSMAN can go LIVE IN A BASEMENT WITH A SQUIRREL, because this is SHEER BADASSERY BOOTCAMP, and it ain't for you TOFU LOVERS who'll just get heart attacks. And you know what? If you can't take the heat, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE, 'cause you're just a BORN LOSER!
So what, you PANSIES ask, are you gonna be doing? You're going to enter the PITS OF BADASS HELL, and it's there that your WIMP MUSCLES will be tested to see if they can hold a DROP of that SHEER BADASSERY. But we don't talk anything around KINDERGARDEN LEVEL, no. You don't wanna be BURNED, you MAN IT UP and learn the metagame behind each trial the PITS OF BADASS HELL gives you. And then you find the strategy that lets you GRIND EVERYONE ELSE TO HIPPIE OATMEAL, and then you MAKE SOME FOR DINNER AND FEED IT TO EVERYONE!
But if you think you'll be BALLROOM DANCING right out of this, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG. You are competing against your "peers," and if you make enough missteps to be at THE BOTTOM OF A BARREL OF FLOUNDER, then the PITS OF BADASS HELL will SPIT YOU TO SOUTH ANTARTICA for proving yourself ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY DISGUSTINGLY INCAPABLE of holding SHEER BADASSERY. And then I will GIVE YOU PAIN LIKE THERE NEVER WAS by HANDING YOU THE MOST HUMLIATING OF ALL HUMILIATING PUNISHMENTS, because you INSUFFERABLE WORM bothered to waste my time.
But if you show yourself SLIGHTLY WORTHY OF ACKNOLEDGEMENT, around the level of, oh I don't know, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, then you shall enter THE GAUNTLET, where you will have THE MOST HARDCORE OF ALL HARDCORE COMPETITIONS against those that remain. ONLY ONE OF YOU ROACHES will emerge AT LEAST TEN PERCENT ALIVE to prove that you do, indeed, have the SHEER BADASSERY.
WEAK SPEAK VERSION FOR WEAKLINGS
NO COWARDS BEYOND THIS POINT is a forum game that is available to all users who wish to test their skills in gaming theory, tactics, strategy, prediction, and risk-taking. Players who enter this challenge will be requires to perform a series of tasks, which manifest in the form of small games in which players compete against one another. The skills listed above will all be necessary to secure victory.
After each trial, the players who had the worst performance in that particular game will be eliminated and forced to suffer any one of multiple humiliating punishments, which typically involve publicly displaying the player's "cowardice" to the rest of the world. Near the end of the challenge, determined when only a small portion of the starting lineup remain, the game enters a stage known as "The Gauntlet," where the remaining players will compete head-to-head in a series of even more challenging trails in an effort to prove their superiority against the other players -- instead of playing to survive for the next challenge, they play to take the title of winner.
GET YOUR BUNS IN THE DRAFTING OFFICE ALREADY
This is the part where you FLOCK OF SHEEP start ASKING FOR YOUR DEATHS, SON! I'm only nice enough to give this once, and it's the only chance you get to NOT BE CALLED A CARROT STICK THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
How do you do that? If you had as much SHEER BADASSERY as I RIGHTEOUSLY DISPLAY, son, NOBODY ON EARTH WOULD NEED TO TELL YOU HOW TO SHINE YOUR SHOES! But since you're obviously SOFTER THAN CHEESECAKE, I'll be nice and tell you how.
Part one: SHOW ME YOU WARFACE! I'll give you 50 words in your post, tops, to SHOVE THE TINY AMOUNT OF SUPERIORITY YOU HAVE INTO THE FACE OF ALL THE OTHER VEGANS! Two things, though; we can't stretch the screen, because that would be EXPOSING YOUR WIMPY FLAB ALL OVER THE PLACE, so no changing the size of your words. In addition, YOU INFIDELS CANNOT TRULY COMPREHEND THE TRUE SHEER BADASSERY, and the PITS OF BADASS HELL refuses to admit ILLITERATE NERDS, so to make sure everything actually works, none of you can use any of the words here: BADASS, AWESOME, STRONG, DESTROY, SMASH, BREAK, BIG, KILL, WIN, DEFEAT. No variations, either. That's just BEING AN EARTHWORM WHO LIVES UNDER A FENCE POST ALL DAY.
Part two: Since we can't trust LITTLE KIDS WALKING OUTSIDE THEIR ROOMS AT NIGHT, we're gonna go by the BUDDY SYSTEM FOR RAISIN-BRAINED PRESCHOOLERS. Your post should contain the username of anyone else on the wiki, and if that person DISPLAYS BROTHERLY AFFECTION FOR YOU by also joining AND posting your name, the PITS OF BADASS HELL will recognize your TANGENTIALLY BADASS COMBINATION OF NONEXISTENT ABILITY and provide you both a CRUTCH-LIKE ADVANTAGE FOR CONFORMIST WIMPS in the first trial. No two people can say the same name, though, because LITTLE BOYS ARE TOO SMALL TO START STEALING GIRLFRIENDS.
Only DEAF TELEMARKETERS need to be told more. Start moving, WEAKLINGS!
WEAK SPEAK VERSION FOR WEAKLINGS
To join NO COWARDS BEYOND THIS POINT, you must write a post composed of two parts. The first part should be a statement no more than 50 words long stating your superiority over all other users who wish to sign up. You may not change to the size of the words using BBCode tags, and you cannot any of the following words or their variations or other forms: badass, awesome, strong, destroy, smash, break, big, kill, win, defeat.
The second part should include the username of one other user on the wiki. If that user also signs up for this game and mentions your name, both of you will receive an advantage in the first trial. If the user you select has already been selected by a user who has already signed up, your choice will be null and void.
The writing in this post does not represent the actual views and personality of the author and is only intended for entertainment. By electing to participate, you agree to submit yourself to whatever humilation, none of which actually expresses the feelings of the author, is presented to you.